Brain on Fire, That First Line… Meth

So I grew up in a time and place where Methamphetamine, i.e. Crank, Criddle, White, Meth, Crystal, Crystal Meth,  whatever ya call it, was everywhere. As easy, maybe easier to get than Weed, definately easier than Alcohol. So it should be no surprise that even with my fairly sheltered, Mormon, Cops Kid childhood, Me and Meth found each other in High School, sophomore year.

I was at a party, first one of the school year. I had been to parties, drank before, but this,  meth, Woooh, That was a big move!

We were hanging outside, smoking cigarettes when another kid, a “Cool” kid, leans in, whispers, and asks if I wanna do a line. Now I know I have the whole Mormon Kid thing to live down, so I don’t hesitate, Hell yeah, man! I am in.

Now I knew how to do it, I wasn’t completely naive, I mean, everybody saw “Scarface”, and any number of other depictions of the Nasal method, the snort. And I was not about to screw up, not gonna let anyone know I was a novice.

The lines are there, hving been chopped up, and divied up,  four skinny little lines.  He asks if I wanna go first, and not wanting to look eager, I defer, say go ahead man. Also, to be fair, wanted to watch, make sure I didn’t make a fool of myself on my turn.

Now, I paid attention to the approach, saw that I need to NOT exhale and blow the lines all over, etc. But I lost track, got fascinated by the lights reflection off of the crystals or something, because I fully missed the aftermath of the line, on his face. I didn’t see it, thankfully I suppose,. I just took the straw, and every ounce of my bravado, and leaned down there. Was careful not to put my hands on the other lines, didn’t exhale, snorted it all in, success. 3, 2, 1,




I did everything right…. why did I get hit in the face? With a Salt and Sandpaper Douche, going 55mph and on fire?

I am thinking.


….All of that happened in less than a second….

I grabbed my face, said, WHOOOOO!!)

And stared at the ceiling to gain my composure, or wait for the sprinkler system to be set off by my face, I am less than clear now, so many years later.

I managed to keep my composure. Thankfully(I suppose)this stuff burned everyones face off, I wasn’t special. No one knew, know one saw through the facade. My lies about having partied before were validated, I was no longer under suspicion, as a square. I was still Mormon, and my dad was a cop, but I was OK, I was “Cool”

Wow…. COOL…. Finally. I was accepted, and would now be included, at least somewhat. I am no longer just a Mormon kid, to be excluded from the parties and the jokes. I wasn’t a complete square.

Then…. he leans down, does the third line, and comes up, gasping, tears running down his face,”Even yours up?”
All this progress, finally In….But jesus that hurt, do it again?… sure, nerd boy, be a square…. but fuck man, my left nostril is STILL on fire….. Yup, Mormon kid…

Not really a choice….

I say, “sure man, don’t wanna lean funny”, bend down, and do that last line like I had done it for years. Came up, and let out a roar……..

The New Me Was Born

….. to be continued

Alan Madden Rose


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s