Death, Knowing How You Will Die

I have known, or at least strongly suspected how i was going to die. It began as visions, in my youth. I remember, that the dream or vision would manifest, as short snippets showing two, distinct possibilities. These possibilities, for the most part, differed only in age, not the cause.

In most cases, the cause was violent, usually shooting. And in all cases, it was death from a coward, in the back, or from a distance. The age was, was the difference. It seemed, either by the time i reached 42, or at a very advanced age, between 75 and 90-ish. It also, seemed to be someone from my past, some cowrd, looking for vengeance. That really never changed, someone from my past, either someone I had beat up in my youth, someone I stole a girl from, or perghaps someone I had embarrassed intellectually.Generally speaking it wasnt someone who I had done wrong, per se, I seemed to have ben justified in the ridicule or the beating, but I realizrd it didn’t matter if I was justified. The coward would bide their time, or fortuitously find me in a position where I couldnt defend myself, and take their shot. In many cases, it was a tweeker, or former tweeker. Maybe a bully, that had been punished for his bullying of others. Maybe someone, whom I had to collect from back in the day.

The real diffence though, was the two distinct ages. 42 came through loud and clear, and as a cautionary tale. Kind if one of those, if you dont change your ways, 42 is as far as you will get. What i found most fascinating, was the old age, I mean, it seemed I was old, almost doddering, and had kids and grandkids, celebrating me for some reason. That I would have kids, grandkids, and that they would be successful in their own right.

Death at 42 was childless, and that was a constant.

I got married and started having children, at 42, ironically, and the version with the younger death no longer appeared in the dreams. the only dream was the older version. So… Looks like i will live to be a doddering old fool, with loving children… at least I hope so… cross your fingers.

Either that, or marriage IS death, meaning both of them will happen…

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