Brain On Fire, Meth, Pt. 2 #BrainOnFire

That first time, at that party… WOW!! Gamechanger… I had never felt that way. Low Self-esteem? Naw, I could talk to anybody….. Alcohol relaxed ya, but kinda made ya stupid. But meth? Wow, felt like all cylinders were firing at their optimum level. And, it seems, you have extra cylinders…

As i said before, It wasn’t my first party scene. Though i was a late bloomer I suppose, I made up for lost time that Summer after Freshman year. I was working hard to climb out from under the Social Restrictions of the Mormon/Eagle Scout/Cops Kid Jacket I was trying to shed..

  I had gotten comfortable at parties, but this feeling was something else!! Having a semi-photographic memory, I was already a human Jeopardy Game, but with Meth? Good Fucking Lord!!  I WAS Google, before there was an internet! Thankfully, I wasn’t yet a skilled drinker, so I didn’t quite talk the ears off of everyone at the party, just became an animated, talkative, happy drunk.

Interesting note, on the Gateway Drug Hype….. In reality, if I had a ‘Gateway’, that was chemical, It was probably Meth. Yes, I had drank before, long before, really. But it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t particularly like beer, or Alcohol, so I drank, burt didn’t really ever get fucked up. I might drink 3 or 4 beers for the whole party before Meth. After Meth? More like 20. 

Same way with Weed.  It was avsilable,  but not a big deal, not really. Not during high school. If it was about, we might smoke it, might not. But if we were buying it, the money was going to Meth. If anything, Weed was used to come down when we got too wired on Meth, and were out of booze!! 

Much of that stemmed from the belief that I was gonna miss out on something. That all of this stuff was going on, and I had to stay awake, so I could go to ALL the parties, not get stoned and pass out at the first one. Weed wasn’t much good until you were at your last stop, or there was nothing else available.

Yes, Meth was a workin man’s, Go-Getter, Git-Er-Done kind of drug…. It still is I suppose. And talk about bang for the buck? Most cost effective drug ever!! Coke cost, what, 3? 4 times as much? For one third of the gogogogogo time? Coke made ya feel better, but Crank had LEGS!!!

Yeah, I don’t if I was hooked yet, but I sure liked it an awful lot. There really wasn’t any ‘jonesing’, or craving……. just hangovers I didn’t drink, or use Meth during the week, partying was pretty much a weekend thing. We Partied hard on those weekends, but I wasnn’t using large amounts of Meth. 

By the next Summer though, I had graduating to doing a little bit of everything, Coke, Meth, alcohol, LSD, Mushrooms, Ecstacy, , Huffing, Whippits, glade hits, Heroin,… as well as cross topps, and vivarin and minithins when we got desparate. A cocktail of various things began to be the order of events by then…

… and yet still, didn’t really use anything during the school week during the school year….. Mainly I suppose, because there wasn’t anything to do during the week. And, I was still having to make appearances at Moms Church and at Boy Scouts…. But drugs snuck out with the Boy scouts….. even went to church(gasp!). Hey, church isn’t on a school day!!

So I don’t think I was addicted to anything really, other than trying everything, and continuing to do what i liked. Hell, cigarettes started after Meth, and even thoughs were only on the weekend, and we never bought them…. A girl we knew took her moms smokes, we all smoked them. But again, nothing during the week, not until I went in the Army. Smoking is the only way to get a break in the military.

Meth. Meth was the real Culprit., and it quietly bided its time, patiently showed off it’s benefits, delaying the full extent of the negative sides. And It was something that, once I decided to quit using it, still took almost a decade to do successfully.

Meth was the one that could ruin a weekend, for the search of it.

Meth could make you steal drugs from friends.

Meth could make you lie about drugs to your friends.

Meth could make you do it alone, while surrounded by those that would gladly join you

Meth could make you keep doing it, even when you didn’t want to, just to make sure you get your share

Meth could make you steal, period. From Anyone! 

This, is a little story about my introduction to Meth. A relationship that lasted about 17 years….

 It has been roughly 17 years since that relationship ended….

That has only come clear to me as of this writing, this duality, of equal parts of adulthood, ‘with Meth’ and without Meth’.

I am sure it goes without saying, there is MUCH more to this story.

Stay tuned,

Alan Madden Rose 

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